What is honour-based violence and oppression?

In some families, it is very important that no one speaks badly about the family. The family wants to have a good reputation. This is sometimes called honour.

In some families, words like sharaf or namus are used. Some families do not use specific words.

Honour is often about rules that decide how you should live. For example, who you are allowed to spend time with or whether you are allowed to have a romantic relationship.

Here are some examples of rules that may be related to honour:

• You are not allowed to meet up with friends after school.
• You are not allowed to use social media.
• You are not allowed to choose which clothes to wear.
• You are not allowed to study or choose what kind of job you have.
• You are not allowed to choose whom you get married to.
• You are not allowed to have a romantic relationship or have sex before marriage.

The rules are often stricter for girls and women. But there are also rules that apply to boys and men.

You may be told that the rules exist for your own good. Or because it would look bad otherwise.

Some claim that the rules are about culture or religion. But no culture or religion gives anyone the right to threaten, hit or control someone else.

In some families, someone checks that you are following the rules. You can be punished if you break the rules. For example, you can be punished in ways like this:

• You can get threatened.
• You can get hit or beaten.
• You can be called mean things.
• You can be told that your family is ashamed of you.
• You can be told that you are no longer a part of your family.

This is all called honour-based violence and oppression. Threats and violence are crimes. Forcing someone to get married is also a crime.

Honour-based violence and oppression are against the UN's Universal Declaration of Human Rights (de mänskliga rättigheterna) and the Convention on the Rights of the Child (barnkonventionen).

Sometimes siblings or other relatives are given the responsibility of controlling someone else in the family. You might feel that you must do this to protect your family. But everyone has the right to live their own life. This applies regardless of their culture, religion or country of origin.

You or your family may think something is best for a person. But the person themselves may think differently. You must respect that. Everyone has the right to not be controlled. And you have the right to not control someone else.

You are not alone. There are places that help young people who experience honour-based violence and oppression. Many of the staff who work in such places have personal experience of honour-based oppression. You can seek help without giving your name.

In many places you can also get help in different languages.

Here are some examples:

• Somaya support helpline (link to a website in Swedish but support is available in several different languages).
• Terrafem (link to a website in Swedish but support is available in several different languages).
• Rätt att välja (link to a website in Swedish but access to an interpreter is available).

You can also get help from social services (socialtjänsten), a youth clinic (ungdomsmottagning) or someone at your school or place of study.