How to improve self-esteem

• If one has poor self-esteem it is easy to wind up with negative thoughts, for example about how useless one is. When feeling useless, one can try to break the habit by thinking: is this helping me? Is it really true that I’m useless?

• To dodge doubts about one’s appearance or achievements, one can try to replace them with other thoughts by asking a trusted person to name the things he or she appreciates about oneself. One can ask the person to write the things down and then keep the list where one can easily see it.
• One can think about what things one appreciates in others. What is really important? Is it being physically attractive and scoring highest in exams or is it rather being a curious, considerate, sensible, imaginative or brave person who is not afraid to be themself?
• Having fulfilling relationships with others, such as friends, romantic partners and family members, helps strengthen self-esteem. If those people are mean to each other, one can ask them to stop. One can suggest that everybody say something positive about each other instead.
• One can try things that one usually does not do. If one rarely raises one’s hand in the class room, one can make an effort to do that during the next lesson. One can try protesting next time someone makes a joke at someone else’s expense. One can apply for a job one really wants, make a phone call to an old friend or ask a friend to read a poem or short story that one has written.
• Instead of dwelling on the things that have gone wrong earlier, one can try to accept what happened and the feelings that it raised. For example, if one feels one did not get enough recognition and encouragement from one’s parents or guardians as a child, perhaps one gets that kind of support from people now. One can also consider what one needs most at the present moment. That does not mean that one is not allowed to be sad about things in the past;, on the contrary, one may need some time to mourn.

Advice from the UMO Youth Panel

Here is the UMO Youth Panel’s best advice on how to improve self-esteem:

• Try to be extra brave and daring by standing up for one’s opinions, asking about things one is unsure of and by not being afraid to make a fool of oneself or to laugh at oneself. Spend time with people who one is comfortable with and who one trusts.
• If about to do something one feels nervous about, listen to some favourite music. It can help one feel braver and stronger.
• Welcome praise and compliments. Instead of feeling awkward, take a deep breath, say “Thanks” and allow oneself to take in and enjoy what the other person has said.
• One can give praise to oneself and feel pleased when one has finished an assignment or made a tough phone call. One can be a good and supportive friend and be around people who are appreciative and sincere.
• Do not hold back on compliments, show appreciation to friends for who they are!
• Hug a lot!
• Even though self-esteem and self-confidence are not the same, self-esteem can improve by doing things one is good at.
• Write a list of the things one likes about oneself.
• Write a list of things that make one happy.
• Set daily goals, for example that one is going to do something one has never done before and not care if it turns out good or bad, ugly or pretty.
• Self-esteem is connected to one’s conscience. If a person is mean, they get a bad conscience and feel bad. The opposite happens if one is good and kind, that makes one feel better and improves self-esteem.
• A good teacher who is supportive can help improve one’s self-confidence. If needed, seek help from a welfare officer or a psychologist at a youth clinic.